I was researching the topic of maternal anger and came across here, in your publications and also in articles about your book. Here in Brazil, the subject of motherhood is under discussion after a Big Brother participant said, about children: "Things, at Sometimes... Everything is going wrong, Pitel. There are days when you want to kill your children. You want to be arrested. There are days when you look at those children and you say: 'If I lived in a building, I would throw them out the window'. And she was crucified by many and also welcomed. I was thinking about her studies. If this statement is not part of this transition. I don't know. She is a single mother of an 11-year-old boy, autistic, and a 5-year-old girl. On this site It is possible to read the entire dialogue. It is in Portuguese. Use the translator. Thank you. - https://noticiasdatv.uol.com.br/noticia/bbb/fernanda-causa-indignacao-com-fala-sobre-filhos-no-bbb-24-jogava-pela-janela-117037
Thanks. So interesting, Lyvia! There's a lot of research on maternal ambivalence. I think every single caregiving parent experiences this to some degree. It's the reality of being wholly responsible for another person's—in her case two kids'—survival and existence, with only your one body and brain to meet their needs. And it's compounded, sometimes many times over, for parents who don't have resources or support, or face added obstacles. It's certainly not something to crucify a person for, but that's what happens to women who dare speak about the complicated realities of motherhood.
This is all so smart, and I'm so excited about the great events you've got coming up--but there's a NEW WILD ROBOT?! I love those books, and my kids and I have often talked about how we wished there was a third. I'm so thrilled to be learning this.
And a little anecdote related to childcare: there's been a lot of talk in my town lately about the number of half days in elementary school (it's so many! I don't know how to balance teacher professional development with the need to actually have kids in school, but it's a ton--maybe 29 over the course of the school year?) and someone on the town's facebook group was like, sorry to be the one to say this, but school isn't childcare. Except, it literally is. It's literally the system we've created for sending kids somewhere so parents can work, and it's unsufficient but it's what we've got! And saying "school isn't daycare" (I'm having pandemic flashbacks) also seems to ripple with a current of shame to working moms.
My niece is in a school district that was delayed for 3 weeks due to mold. My SIL works remotely 10-15 hours per week and it hasn’t affected her a much as the other parents but it is a disaster! And school is childcare. I would have to utilize childcare if school didn’t exist! We currently have a 7:30-3:30 day and my kid gets off the bus on my street and stays with my MIL until I pick up his brother. It’s no mystery I put him on bus rider so my MIL and I could both work a bit longer. My 4 yo goes 3 days a week 9-5, he is rarely ready for me to drop them both off and I do multiple drop offs. And we have our first teacher workday next Monday. I didn’t know until I read newsletter yesterday.
It all feels so impossible and yet, something Florence Becot, who is from France, reminded me: It doesn't have to be this way. This is not inevitable. The system works as designed.
I so relate to the half day conundrum, and this kind of shaming enrages me. Fine, fine, "school is not child care," but then WHAT IS child care—accessible, affordable child care DOES NOT EXIST for so many people.
And the Wild Robot—yes! I got to read an early copy of the third book and it's great. I wasn't sure how Peter would respond to my request for an interview about parenthood, but the conversation was so great that we decided to do it live (I'll be sharing some here after the event, too).
I was researching the topic of maternal anger and came across here, in your publications and also in articles about your book. Here in Brazil, the subject of motherhood is under discussion after a Big Brother participant said, about children: "Things, at Sometimes... Everything is going wrong, Pitel. There are days when you want to kill your children. You want to be arrested. There are days when you look at those children and you say: 'If I lived in a building, I would throw them out the window'. And she was crucified by many and also welcomed. I was thinking about her studies. If this statement is not part of this transition. I don't know. She is a single mother of an 11-year-old boy, autistic, and a 5-year-old girl. On this site It is possible to read the entire dialogue. It is in Portuguese. Use the translator. Thank you. - https://noticiasdatv.uol.com.br/noticia/bbb/fernanda-causa-indignacao-com-fala-sobre-filhos-no-bbb-24-jogava-pela-janela-117037
Thanks. So interesting, Lyvia! There's a lot of research on maternal ambivalence. I think every single caregiving parent experiences this to some degree. It's the reality of being wholly responsible for another person's—in her case two kids'—survival and existence, with only your one body and brain to meet their needs. And it's compounded, sometimes many times over, for parents who don't have resources or support, or face added obstacles. It's certainly not something to crucify a person for, but that's what happens to women who dare speak about the complicated realities of motherhood.
Also, I should add - Mother Brain is coming to Brazil, in June! It's being published in Portuguese by Companhia das Letras.
This is all so smart, and I'm so excited about the great events you've got coming up--but there's a NEW WILD ROBOT?! I love those books, and my kids and I have often talked about how we wished there was a third. I'm so thrilled to be learning this.
And a little anecdote related to childcare: there's been a lot of talk in my town lately about the number of half days in elementary school (it's so many! I don't know how to balance teacher professional development with the need to actually have kids in school, but it's a ton--maybe 29 over the course of the school year?) and someone on the town's facebook group was like, sorry to be the one to say this, but school isn't childcare. Except, it literally is. It's literally the system we've created for sending kids somewhere so parents can work, and it's unsufficient but it's what we've got! And saying "school isn't daycare" (I'm having pandemic flashbacks) also seems to ripple with a current of shame to working moms.
Sorry for the rant!
My niece is in a school district that was delayed for 3 weeks due to mold. My SIL works remotely 10-15 hours per week and it hasn’t affected her a much as the other parents but it is a disaster! And school is childcare. I would have to utilize childcare if school didn’t exist! We currently have a 7:30-3:30 day and my kid gets off the bus on my street and stays with my MIL until I pick up his brother. It’s no mystery I put him on bus rider so my MIL and I could both work a bit longer. My 4 yo goes 3 days a week 9-5, he is rarely ready for me to drop them both off and I do multiple drop offs. And we have our first teacher workday next Monday. I didn’t know until I read newsletter yesterday.
It all feels so impossible and yet, something Florence Becot, who is from France, reminded me: It doesn't have to be this way. This is not inevitable. The system works as designed.
I so relate to the half day conundrum, and this kind of shaming enrages me. Fine, fine, "school is not child care," but then WHAT IS child care—accessible, affordable child care DOES NOT EXIST for so many people.
And the Wild Robot—yes! I got to read an early copy of the third book and it's great. I wasn't sure how Peter would respond to my request for an interview about parenthood, but the conversation was so great that we decided to do it live (I'll be sharing some here after the event, too).
Yes. Yes. Yes.
Yes!!!
heart emoji!