I am a trans man who gave birth two months ago and who is currently nursing. Very occasionally, I have cognitive lapses that generally seem pretty clearly due to sleep loss or existential overwhelm. It had never occurred to me (or anyone else) to label these lapses as "mommy brain"--and I think the fact that there is no gender-neutral equivalent reveals the underlying sexism here. Early parenthood is hard enough without a phrase specifically designed to falsely suggest that one is less intellectually capable than before becoming a parent. Concepts like "mommy brain" (among others) devalue and diminish the immense amount of physical and cognitive exertion, grit, and overall badassery that goes into early motherhood/parenthood--it's time for them to go.
"Mommy brain" is basically the modern take on the idea that Herbert Spencer, creator of social darwinism, put forward—that childbearing costs women “vital power,” stunting them emotionally and intellectually. It is inherently sexist and also false. The parental brain is adaptive, and that story includes more than mothers.
This angle and research is so needed. I’m also curious about what the mental load looks like from a scientific perspective for people in the helping professions. I wrote about this recently -- about caring for hundreds of kids as a teacher during the pandemic over the last few years, while also moving through new matrescence and experiencing all the changes you mention. (Solidarity to all the pumping mamas!) Teachers are subject to the same “I don’t know how you superheroes DO IT” messaging, when in fact those of us who are mothers are burning out at a breakneck pace. Perhaps because we’re running the equivalent of two Fortune 500 companies -- the one at home, and the one at school?
This is such a great question. And a lovely, thoughtful essay here—thanks for sharing. There are so many unanswered questions about the parental brain, and particularly how this pattern of changes intersects with our brains in context—all the strengths and challenges we've faced before ever being pregnant, and all the ways we use our brains while pregnant and/or parenting. Some of these questions feel big and obvious, but they've been mostly ignored until recently.
Thank you so much for your kind words! And I’m so thrilled to know you’re tracking down what research there is, and about your book. Reading Hrdy was transformative for me in my 20s, and we who are part of this new generation of parents are overdue for new books like yours that empower us to better understand this life stage, and ourselves.
I could not agree more! Are there other people that have come up in this line of research that you think are lesser-known and shouldn’t be? (As an educator I always wish more people knew about Vygotsky’s zone of proximal development and Elaine Aaron/Michael Pluess’ explorations of sensitivity, for example.)
Oh yes! There are so many doing the basic science of figuring out these brain changes, who I think deserve much more notice—I interview many of them in Mother Brain. But a few who have also been distilling the science into policy and perspective and action in important ways:
I just had a realization about my own life while reading this. I remember being single in my 20’s and occasionally teased because I was so forgetful and bad at keeping up with the ordinary details of life, but “wasn’t even a mom yet”--like, I had “mom brain” but no valid excuse for it. 20 years later I can look back and understand--it was because I was an undiagnosed autistic woman trying to make her way through the professional world, trying desperately to keep up with the adult milestones her peers were reaching. I was on overdrive all the time, operating in a constant state of overwhelm, that would eventually lead to burnout, an atypical eating disorder, and an autism diagnosis.
So I definitely think (now as the mom of a 3 year old!) rephrasing the phenomenon to encompass the more global nature of overworked brains (and the social conditions that produce them) would be helpful.
Yes, retire "mommy brain"!
I am a trans man who gave birth two months ago and who is currently nursing. Very occasionally, I have cognitive lapses that generally seem pretty clearly due to sleep loss or existential overwhelm. It had never occurred to me (or anyone else) to label these lapses as "mommy brain"--and I think the fact that there is no gender-neutral equivalent reveals the underlying sexism here. Early parenthood is hard enough without a phrase specifically designed to falsely suggest that one is less intellectually capable than before becoming a parent. Concepts like "mommy brain" (among others) devalue and diminish the immense amount of physical and cognitive exertion, grit, and overall badassery that goes into early motherhood/parenthood--it's time for them to go.
Yes! Exactly.
"Mommy brain" is basically the modern take on the idea that Herbert Spencer, creator of social darwinism, put forward—that childbearing costs women “vital power,” stunting them emotionally and intellectually. It is inherently sexist and also false. The parental brain is adaptive, and that story includes more than mothers.
That is such interesting historical context! Looking forward to diving into your book.
This angle and research is so needed. I’m also curious about what the mental load looks like from a scientific perspective for people in the helping professions. I wrote about this recently -- about caring for hundreds of kids as a teacher during the pandemic over the last few years, while also moving through new matrescence and experiencing all the changes you mention. (Solidarity to all the pumping mamas!) Teachers are subject to the same “I don’t know how you superheroes DO IT” messaging, when in fact those of us who are mothers are burning out at a breakneck pace. Perhaps because we’re running the equivalent of two Fortune 500 companies -- the one at home, and the one at school?
https://open.substack.com/pub/ryanroseweaver/p/8-meeting-the-future-halfway
This is such a great question. And a lovely, thoughtful essay here—thanks for sharing. There are so many unanswered questions about the parental brain, and particularly how this pattern of changes intersects with our brains in context—all the strengths and challenges we've faced before ever being pregnant, and all the ways we use our brains while pregnant and/or parenting. Some of these questions feel big and obvious, but they've been mostly ignored until recently.
Thank you so much for your kind words! And I’m so thrilled to know you’re tracking down what research there is, and about your book. Reading Hrdy was transformative for me in my 20s, and we who are part of this new generation of parents are overdue for new books like yours that empower us to better understand this life stage, and ourselves.
So kind. Thank you. Hrdy's work is amazing. Hers should be a name that everyone knows. Like Spock. Or Bowlby.
I could not agree more! Are there other people that have come up in this line of research that you think are lesser-known and shouldn’t be? (As an educator I always wish more people knew about Vygotsky’s zone of proximal development and Elaine Aaron/Michael Pluess’ explorations of sensitivity, for example.)
Oh yes! There are so many doing the basic science of figuring out these brain changes, who I think deserve much more notice—I interview many of them in Mother Brain. But a few who have also been distilling the science into policy and perspective and action in important ways:
Aurelie Athan: https://www.matrescence.com/
Jodi Pawluski: https://www.jodipawluski.com/
Sharon Dekel: https://www.massgeneral.org/psychiatry/research/dekel-lab
Also Jay Rosenblatt and Alison Fleming for pushing these questions forward for decades.
And, I think Sara Ruddick's work deserves more attention, beyond gender studies classes.
Okay, furiously taking notes and can’t wait to dig in! I’m excited to read your takes on them too.
I just had a realization about my own life while reading this. I remember being single in my 20’s and occasionally teased because I was so forgetful and bad at keeping up with the ordinary details of life, but “wasn’t even a mom yet”--like, I had “mom brain” but no valid excuse for it. 20 years later I can look back and understand--it was because I was an undiagnosed autistic woman trying to make her way through the professional world, trying desperately to keep up with the adult milestones her peers were reaching. I was on overdrive all the time, operating in a constant state of overwhelm, that would eventually lead to burnout, an atypical eating disorder, and an autism diagnosis.
So I definitely think (now as the mom of a 3 year old!) rephrasing the phenomenon to encompass the more global nature of overworked brains (and the social conditions that produce them) would be helpful.
This is so interesting, Shaina. And how absurd that it was framed this way for you—as premature "mom brain."
I'm really interested in how the parental brain may be different—or how the changes may feel different—depending on a person's neurodivergence.