"She spoke low and slow. This is how it can start, I remember her saying. What are you talking about? Postpartum depression, she said." - This line really hit me, I had postpartum depression with my first after 'failing' to breastfeed for as long as I wanted to, and despite having two successful feeding journeys with two more babies since, it still stings.
The pamphlet for dads is absolutely shocking. If any man out there is trying to get 'first dibs' of their partner's leaking breasts they need to take a good hard look at themselves. As for 'keep touching them' - how about encouraging them to ask first? Sometimes they're sore, sometimes you're touched out, either way... No.
I was put on a triple feeding schedule — breastfeed 30min while your nipples bleed and the baby screams at you bc she’s hungry and can’t latch, then pump 30min while partner bottle feeds the finally not screaming baby, then wash the pump parts while baby sleeps, then do it all again, 8x a day, with no break.
We spent thousands of dollars on lactation consultants who told us to just keep going despite the fact that my mental health was clearly in shreds.
It was, honestly, the worst hell I could ever imagine. When we finally gave up and switched to formula I was so relieved to finally be free. But I’m still grieving how it all went down, and I feel horribly jealous of breastfeeding moms and guilty that I didn’t “try harder” (I tried SO hard).
Thank you so much for writing this! And remember, fellas, share those breasts!
Oh gosh, Taylor. I'm sorry you had this experience—you clearly tried very hard. "Just keep going" isn't always the answer. I wish we could get to a place where that sense of relief in switching to formula is something you can feel good about, because you've tried hard and made a decision that is the right one for you and for your kid, full stop.
I don't know which flier side made me more upset. I think maybe the back side for the fathers. Oof as someone still in the throes of feeding her baby (literally pumping as I type this) all of this really hit home.
I had my firstborn in 2014 and was pushed this same “breast is best” guilt trip. My milk never came in and my son was exclusively formal fed. By the time I had my second in 2019 I had decided not to mess with nursing. Every single doctor I saw (Kaiser doesn’t assign you one OB🙄) asked me if I was going to nurse, I would say no and they would say “I’m not going to put that in your chart, you still have time to think about it” one doctor even went so far as to wag his finger at me and tell I would try harder this time and I would nurse. We brought our own formula and bottles to the hospital, no one hassled us because the nurses have too many patients to help as it is.
The amount of judgement and comments from friends, family, medical professionals and strangers over how I was feeding my baby was shocking.
I also had my child in 2015, and made the dreadful mistake of choosing a “Baby Friendly” hospital. I have so much heart clenching from those first few days, when my child was starving because my milk didn’t come in for SEVEN FUCKING DAYS.
The heart clenching! I'm so sorry. I want to think that things have gotten better since 2015. And I think in some ways they have. But I did have a hospital lactation person message me to say that the advice above was sound, minus the headline.
As someone who had her first kid in early 2016 I relate so much to this. Beautifully articulated. I wanted to share this comic I made back then. https://www.mollymcintyre.com/Best-is-Best
Oh thanks for sharing this Molly. So sorry we had similar experiences. I love that line at the end of your comic, "Now, I think the only thing that's natural is the desire to feed your kid."
And the fact that it piles on that with #9 -- Doesn't center HER sexual needs but rather highlights "exploring new ways of meeting EACH OTHER'S NEEDS" and that you need to be "flexible with EACH OTHER".
While we're at it - the "never" in #10! Success=six months of exclusive breastfeeding, at all costs, and dad's "attitude" is a lever for making sure the mother feels the weight of her child's "highest potential" resting entirely on that outcome.
This reminds me of a story that Andrea Ippolito shared in our interview about breastfeeding support: "her husband is making her breastfeed even though it's not going well for 1000 reasons. He is making her breastfeed. Not even letting her pump. And she was in so much pain."
"She spoke low and slow. This is how it can start, I remember her saying. What are you talking about? Postpartum depression, she said." - This line really hit me, I had postpartum depression with my first after 'failing' to breastfeed for as long as I wanted to, and despite having two successful feeding journeys with two more babies since, it still stings.
The pamphlet for dads is absolutely shocking. If any man out there is trying to get 'first dibs' of their partner's leaking breasts they need to take a good hard look at themselves. As for 'keep touching them' - how about encouraging them to ask first? Sometimes they're sore, sometimes you're touched out, either way... No.
I was put on a triple feeding schedule — breastfeed 30min while your nipples bleed and the baby screams at you bc she’s hungry and can’t latch, then pump 30min while partner bottle feeds the finally not screaming baby, then wash the pump parts while baby sleeps, then do it all again, 8x a day, with no break.
We spent thousands of dollars on lactation consultants who told us to just keep going despite the fact that my mental health was clearly in shreds.
It was, honestly, the worst hell I could ever imagine. When we finally gave up and switched to formula I was so relieved to finally be free. But I’m still grieving how it all went down, and I feel horribly jealous of breastfeeding moms and guilty that I didn’t “try harder” (I tried SO hard).
Thank you so much for writing this! And remember, fellas, share those breasts!
Oh gosh, Taylor. I'm sorry you had this experience—you clearly tried very hard. "Just keep going" isn't always the answer. I wish we could get to a place where that sense of relief in switching to formula is something you can feel good about, because you've tried hard and made a decision that is the right one for you and for your kid, full stop.
thank you!! ❤️
I don't know which flier side made me more upset. I think maybe the back side for the fathers. Oof as someone still in the throes of feeding her baby (literally pumping as I type this) all of this really hit home.
I wish it didn't! I wish we'd made more progress in nine years since.
I feel sick.
I had my firstborn in 2014 and was pushed this same “breast is best” guilt trip. My milk never came in and my son was exclusively formal fed. By the time I had my second in 2019 I had decided not to mess with nursing. Every single doctor I saw (Kaiser doesn’t assign you one OB🙄) asked me if I was going to nurse, I would say no and they would say “I’m not going to put that in your chart, you still have time to think about it” one doctor even went so far as to wag his finger at me and tell I would try harder this time and I would nurse. We brought our own formula and bottles to the hospital, no one hassled us because the nurses have too many patients to help as it is.
The amount of judgement and comments from friends, family, medical professionals and strangers over how I was feeding my baby was shocking.
It's just mind-boggling.
I also had my child in 2015, and made the dreadful mistake of choosing a “Baby Friendly” hospital. I have so much heart clenching from those first few days, when my child was starving because my milk didn’t come in for SEVEN FUCKING DAYS.
The heart clenching! I'm so sorry. I want to think that things have gotten better since 2015. And I think in some ways they have. But I did have a hospital lactation person message me to say that the advice above was sound, minus the headline.
As someone who had her first kid in early 2016 I relate so much to this. Beautifully articulated. I wanted to share this comic I made back then. https://www.mollymcintyre.com/Best-is-Best
Oh thanks for sharing this Molly. So sorry we had similar experiences. I love that line at the end of your comic, "Now, I think the only thing that's natural is the desire to feed your kid."
Omfg. WHAT!?
I love how the picture on the pamphlet makes it look like you just go and pick up your baby curbside 😆 giving birth has never been so easy
SHARE YOUR PARTNER'S BREASTS WITH THE BABY. I am never going to be over this.
Holy mother of god, the flames of rage that are coming out of my head right now.
Share them (#2) AND they are "not off limits" (#8). It makes my head explode.
Enraging on so many levels.
And the fact that it piles on that with #9 -- Doesn't center HER sexual needs but rather highlights "exploring new ways of meeting EACH OTHER'S NEEDS" and that you need to be "flexible with EACH OTHER".
Nope. No.
While we're at it - the "never" in #10! Success=six months of exclusive breastfeeding, at all costs, and dad's "attitude" is a lever for making sure the mother feels the weight of her child's "highest potential" resting entirely on that outcome.
it's "all that your baby needs" 😑
This reminds me of a story that Andrea Ippolito shared in our interview about breastfeeding support: "her husband is making her breastfeed even though it's not going well for 1000 reasons. He is making her breastfeed. Not even letting her pump. And she was in so much pain."
So... is that having the right attitude?
I mean, what that is is abuse.
Maybe somebody should show him the research on cortisol and breastmilk (which is a whole can of worms, but clearly he thinks he knows things).